BEDA 12

I read an article today (ok, on wikipedia, but still) about Shakespeare's sonnet #20, which I love. I admit though, I have never even tried to analyze it. Now there's this whole page about the "playful duality" of the poem. About male and female jambi, about phallic poem shapes (really? I mean... really?) and what not.

I don't really know how I feel about analyzing art. If you need to read a book to understand a painting, it doesn't really serve its purpose and if you need to attend a class to understand a piece of music, it probably doesn't reach you in the right places.

Having said that, there are some pieces of art that get more intense if you know the meaning behind it. Know what the artist wanted to show you, tell you, make you understand.

However, I read many many years ago in a book about Zen (of which I've read too many, I admit) that true art is the transparency to transcendency. Meaning that true art can catapult your soul into a state that you can connect to the higher energies of the universe and understand something about the piece, but more importantly, understand something about life and about yourself.

There are many pieces of art that I consider true art, but there are also many pieces I can't connect to at all. That's totally fine though, because maybe there's a person out there who can and they will be the better for it.

A woman's face with nature's own hand painted,
Hast thou, the master mistress of my passion;
A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted
With shifting change, as is false women's fashion:
An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,
Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth;
A man in hue all hues in his controlling,
Which steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth.
And for a woman wert thou first created;
Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
And by addition me of thee defeated,
By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure,
Mine be thy love and thy love's use their treasure.

BEDA 11

Today, I would like to write about stereotypes. Btw, there's not really a good German word for stereotype.

If I look at myself, I am a lot of things. Many of which would be considered stereotypical.

I am a nerd.

Meaning, I love books more than some people. I am a scientist. I can explain to you the differences between plants and fungi. I am happy when I can stay inside for a few days to catch up on my reading.

I am gay.

Meaning, I love nice clothes. I adore musical theater, Glee, rainbows, double rainbows, Jake Gyllenhaal.

I am a child.

Meaning, I am a Disney fan, I love Pixar and Ghibli. I have difficulties seeing people as sexual beings and not just as people.

I am an old man.

Meaning, I can quote poems of Rilke, Shakespeare, Goethe, Dickinson by heart. I sometimes think the world is too loud. I don't understand what people around me mean when they are talking.

I am German.

Meaning, I am punctual. I like it when things are in order. I have a thing for desserts.

I am European.

Meaning, I have to shake my head when I see an American city celebrate it's 100th birthday when the village I grew up in is way way over a thousand years old. I have no problem with nudity, be it in film or elsewhere. I don't see my religion as my life's purpose. I love it that there is a plethora of countries at my fingertips, each with different languages, views, foods, cultures that I can experience.

I am a man.

Meaning, I love watching action movies. I can be very easily distracted by something I see. I am almost unable to talk about my feelings, nay to talk at all ;) I am worried about losing my hair some time in the future.

I am many many more things. Each can be attributed to a stereotype. But does that mean I'm stereotypical? We all have facets of stereotypes in our character line-up, but as long as we don't artificially stress and enhance these features, but rather let them go and grow and jump over other features that overshadow them now and again, we can all just be unique and not worry about stereotypes or about what people think of us. In which box people want to put us...

BEDA 9

So what happened today... oh yes, I spent too much time on an examination table at the enterologist's. But let's face it, every second on a table like that is too much time.

To nicer topics: my parents are visiting...

Oook... to nicer topics. True Blood is amazing. I mean, it's not that it has the best story line ever told or the best actors ever to grace the screen, but it's so non-apologetic, which is something I love in everything. People, TV shows, music... just doing your thing no matter what. TB mixes gore and violence with emotions and sex and swirls it around in a big bowl of mystery, sets all up in the south where apparently everyone is always sweating and swearing and firing guns at each other - it's glorious. Simply marvelous. It's wonderful.

I think one of the reasons why TB is so successful is because it doesn't really care about the audience. They want to kill someone off, they will. They want to tear some character down till you don't like them no mo', they will. And they will for sure cut a bitch.

It's something I loved about Six Feet Under (which was one of the best shows ever to grace TV, but in the end got so near to real life, it scared me) and it's something I love about TB.

It's like the Lucifer to Glee. Glee goes for it, but stays clean and fresh, TB goes for it and gets down and dirty. Both have their admirers. And I love them both, which leaves me to wonder...

What does that say about me and religion?

Anyway, I have rambled enough, my parents are already looking at me funny, because I keep typing and typing. See you guys tomorrow and take care.

BEDA 8

What can I say about this day? Well I could say a lot of things. Like for example that I saw Zombieland, L'auberge éspanol 1 & 2 and am a bit anxious concerning tomorrow's doctor's appointment.

What I will say instead is this:

We are all human beings. We have flaws. We have merits. And the fact that the song "No Surprises" by Radiohead is one of the most beautiful songs ever written should indeed be no surprise.

I would like to write much, much more, but my thoughts are swirling in my head and I need to lay back, relax and watch them like the Hubble telescope watches swirling galaxies from far, far away and try to judge from the colour and pattern how it must feel to be inside them.

BEDA 7

Oops, I did it again. I "forgot" to blog. Sorry. My life can be a bit turbulent at times and it might happen that I don't have the time and/or energy to blog.

I'm here now... the thing is that I'm home this weekend, because I have a doctor's appointment on Monday in my home town. So I'm home and watch the parents go crazier and crazier every time I leave. They re-arrange, re-paint, re-do everything. I come home to find out they had an excavator come by to bulldoze the front yard in front of my window. Great. It's now a plain field of earth with exactly 3 big stones in it. Pretty. Thank you. It's not that I loved the mountain ash that stood in front of my window for a few decades -.- Parents, I tell you... nothing but trouble.

Tonight I'll go to the celebration of a wedding of one of my friends. The wedding itself was last December, but the celebration is now, because they didn't have any money before that. Money... always an issue. It's ridiculous. Several of my colleagues are pondering getting second jobs at a supermarket or something like that in the evenings and on weekends to get by. That shouldn't be necessary in my opinion, but the pay is actually not great (euphemism of the week). But there you go, you pick a job and you have to live with the payment. I could have been a medical professional, but I'm not, so it's my fault, right? Right? Oh I don't know.

Today, I ordered frames for several of my photographs that will look beautiful in my apartment (the walls are frighteningly white right now). I already see it coming. Once my apartment is finished I'll have a new job and have to move...

Anyway, I can already smell the fresh garlic so dinner is almost ready. See you guys tomorrow! Promise.

BEDA 4

I saw Inception today. An exceptionally good film by all measures. I have to admit though that it didn't reach me emotionally, but rather intellectually, which is fine. A truly great movie, for my taste, makes me feel and not just think, but that's probably just me.

I had among other things a 3h meeting today where I had to present some data etc and I'm really tired, so please excuse this short blog. More tomorrow.

BEDA 3

Let's talk about how this picture came to be.

This picture has been taken by me on a Saturday morning a few weeks ago. It's a picture of the inner harbor of my city with water so clean you can swim in it.

On the Friday before, a few colleagues of mine said they wanted to go out, explore the city. The weather was beautiful. A hot, dry summer's day and you already knew the night would be the same. I went with it and said I'd meet them down by the lake. Once down there, I didn't see anyone. Well... that's not completely true, I saw about 1000 other people, but not my friends. After a phone call I knew why, the meeting had been postponed for about an hour. Great. I went back home by bike and didn't feel like going out again.

When I came home, a very good friend of the family called me. I had pestered my parents for a while to call her, because I always loved her and she had been very sick the last few years. So after she heard how I had my parents call her to check up, she was moved and called me to chat. It was quite lovely, she's an amazing woman, an artist doing ceramics.

Anyway, I decided to try again to meet my friends at this place here:

We sat there and talked for a while, then went to a Biergarten and from there to a pub/club. This portion of the evening I'll leave out, because the best thing to be said about the club was that they played the Spice Girls, while the worst was that they played the Backstreet Boys. Twice. Oh yes.

Anyway, by then it was about 1-2am and a few of us (me and 2 friends) went to go looking for a club we've heard of. I had had a little bit to drink and felt a bit spinny... so after biking through the city we found the club. It was an industrial hall with the sound of minimal techno busting through the air. It was glorious (mainly because I had my ear plugs with me). We danced for a few hours and then decided to go home when the sun started to come up and shine through the broken down façade of the building we were in. So we started our journey back. Saturday morning, about 6am, sun is rising... it's really warm and we bike through the town only inhabited by people too awake to go home.

Then I took this picture.

So now you know.

If you want my advice, do something irresponsible once in a while. Something crazy. Go to broken down clubs. Stay up all night. Watch the sun rise with friends. Be young, no matter how old you are.

If you read till here, I adore you.

BEDA 2

I'm not really feeling like writing, but I've learned that this is exactly the time you should do it. The pic I took in Japan summarizes my current state perfectly and concisely. I am closed up.

I am at a point where I would love to work 24h a day simply to clear my desk a little bit, but unfortunately I'm not build to sustain a 24h/day work life. I'm not. I'm inherently lazy and I have no problem admitting that. It should get better in a few weeks. Should. Well, let's hope so. And a little bit less rain so I could continue running in the evenings would be grand as well ;) See... the one time I'm not lazy and buy running shoes to get in shape - the weather decides that summer is over. I still have hope though.

I should just find a job I can do from home, my apartment gets nicer by the minute. Seriously, the book shelf / room divider I got delivered today is simply gorgeous. I don't want to leave my apartment anymore ;) Let's all sing together Mr. Kweller's hymn to nerds "My apartment".

On a more serious note, I don't know if other people have to work so hard at not slipping into gloomy periods. I have been working my butt off in that department for 20 years and I'm getting tired. I love life and I love being who I am, but the thought of things slipping by me, because I don't have the time to do them (*cough* VidCon *cough*) kills me. I know that we all have to do our part, have a job, be a productive member of society... but can't you make an exception with me? I promise I won't tell anyone that the world gives me money so I can travel the world :)

I just don't know. I always imagine that one day I find a job that fits me like a glove. Hasn't really happened yet, but I'll keep searching and keep you updated.

Take care.

BEDA 1

What a week this has been, what a rare mood I'm in, well it's almost like being...

...totally f-ed.

See how I mixed and matched those two lyrics? Genius, ain't I. So this week has been mostly awful and I rarely say that. There's good in everyone and everything, but this week I had to look for it. I won't bore you with the details, but it involved among other things an unpleasant visit at the doctor's office and a really brutal car crash. Just to be clear, I was involved in both.

But let's start this BEDA off with some positive vibes. I did BEDA last year (2009) and I really enjoyed it. Of course, back then I had some BEDA buddies, but my faithful blog readers will suffice this time ;) There's something meditative about the way BEDA forces you to sit down at the end of each day and reflect on what you've done, what you thought about, who you met etc. It helps you get your life into perspective.

Oh yes, the positive vibes... let's see. I already got the pictures for my wall of photos, but still have to order the frames (Project milestone - check.). I might be involved in a very interesting project at work if I play my cards right. Which would be great, because these days I'm drowning in desk work without any real connection to my real work.

Yesterday, I went to my school reunion (10 years, good heavens) and it was rather pleasant. A good friend of mine said something along the lines of "I still see the people I like and if I haven't seen someone for 5 years there's a reason for that" and I partly agree with that. I still see many of my school friends on a regular basis, but still it's nice to catch up with people that moved away, married, had children, and children, and children, got divorced... I kid you not, all that happened to these people in the last years. I thought that I might feel a bit odd being out and gay and single and everything, but it wasn't awkward at all. If anything, some seemed to be jealous when I said that I like my new town but who knows where I'll be in a year. Could be Copenhagen, could be New York or Berlin. I'm open to everything.

People don't really change that much after you leave school. They get older, balder, fatter, whatever, but really they are still the same people. I feel like I change all the time. I never wake up the same person and that's one of the things I love about myself. Sure, I have traits that are constant, but everything else is like a shimmer of rainbow light :P My interests, what I do, projects, who I meet, I sometimes feel like the ADD poster hummingbird.

Every time I visit home, I realize that I miss it. "I miss the mountains" would be appropriate song lyrics here, even though they are only hills. But even if I miss my home, I appreciate being away. Seeing new things, new streets... new people. In the end, it's always about the people.

Like John Green said a few days ago. We're all the same. We're just some people looking desperately for a way to make a connection to other people.

After this rather profound statement I leave you with the best wishes for August and may it be full of BEDAs, even if Maureen Johnson, the BEDA queen herself, has announced not to take part due to reasons only she knows. Which is sad, because I love her blog immensely. Go check it out here.