Virtue is bold and goodness never fearful.

It's a Shakespeare quote from "Measure for measure" and it reminds me of why I love him so much. Noone knew how to construct entertaining plots like he did and then to enrich it with language like that? 

Thank the light that he lived in an era where art was written down... we lost too much music because the selfish people in the antiquity were to lazy to do just that ;)

Sunday, Sunday.... so weird to me.

Some things never change... for example my mood on Sunday evenings. With dreading Monday mornings. I tell myself that I just have to focus. Make a plan and follow through. Buuut... that doesn't really work. I have probably written about that before, but I need a job that I like. Or I need not to have to work at all... I might be down with that. But I think I could contribute something to this world... I just don't know yet what that could be.

We are supposed to make the best of our lives. Thats kind of hard sometimes. Sometimes, it seems easier to just let your life drift. To not worry. To not care... to drive along the easy street for a while. 

I am tired. And as of late, sleep doesn't seem to help.

Anonymous skype thing.

I decided to get a ride on the bandwagon... these are about some of the people on my list:

* I haven't talked to you in many months and I don't really know why I still have you on my buddy-list.

* I don't think I have ever talked to you since I added you, but it's a strange comfort to see you online, because it makes me feel like I have more friends than I actually have.

* I have known you for many years and you are one of my best friends, but sometimes your moods can be a real pain in the behind!

* When I met you, you intrigued me deeply. You are probably the most intelligent person I ever met and I still think that if I were straight, we would have been a power couple like the world hasn't seen... but I haven't talked to you in so long... we kinda drifted apart.

* I can honestly talk to you about a lot of stuff and you are a decent guy, but you can be hard to handle...

* Of my old friends, you are the most adventurous, never afraid of anything (new). I love that about you and I'm glad that you are still in my life.

* I have known you for about 15 years and you have changed a lot since then. You are chaos and you are my opposite in many ways, but somehow you are one of the most honest people I know.

* We haven't really talked in some years, but I still have you on this list to remind me of the fun we had. You always knew what you wanted and went for it, which is something I admire.

* I have known you for a quarter-century, and I'm afraid that you are not becoming the person that you could be, but rather the person you think you're supposed to be. And that is something that saddens and upsets me profoundly.

* I think we have talked like... 3-4 times in my life... and I honestly don't know why you are still on that list.

* I met you as an online pen-pal when the internet was young. I don't even know if you're still alive.

* You were one of these people that spend too much time alone. I think you could have been amazing, if you had let life into your life.

* You were a really good friend during our university time. It's not easy to have straight guy-friends, when you're gay and I only had the tinyest crush on you. I hope you are happy now.

* You came into our circle of friends and fit in quite nicely. I think you are very open and grounded, which is something everybody should try to be.

* I love you from the bottom of my heart and even if my world changes all the time - this won't. You are the kindest person I know and I would do anything for you.

* I haven't known you for very long, yet got to know you pretty well pretty quickly. We click. I think you could be a great friend with a lot of creative energy.

* When I first met you online, I would never have thought that you would have such an impact on my life. Now everything has ended and I think it's time to delete you off this list.

Compassion

I was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer tonight (big fan!) and a line of dialogue was "Compassion is not given to people because they deserve it, but because they need it." I personally think that the act of compassion is mainly on the side of the one, who forgives. 

We need to forgive to make things right for ourselves, not for the one, who did something to be forgiven. That's why it is important to forgive. Even the dead. The ones who left. The ones who left us. In any sense. We need to forgive to move on.

Just a little addendum

If I haven't said so before, I wish all you guys a year 2009 filled with happiness, luck, love, money, prettiness, health, humour, success, and magic.

2008 - part II/II

It's January 1st 2009... I always need weeks to get accustomed to the new year. It's freezing outside. The flowers and leaves crumble. The fog freezes in the air and settles on everything. I on the other hand always feel unsettled in the beginning of the new year. I think it's because I never accomplish everything I set out to do. I have actually done quite a lot of things last year, but you can't really force some things to happen, now can you.

2008 was a year of quite some firsts for me. I learned a lot. Mostly about myself, but also about others and the world around me. Not everything was pleasant mind you... but necessary probably.

There are many things we have to experience in this life. Experience and live through them. Learn from them.

Most of those things are very personal and let's face it, a blog is probably not the right place for them ;)

But one thing I learned this past year is this: If we don't allow ourselves to feel, we might as well be dead.

2008 - part I

A spark of hope

flown by

remembered

for what it was.

A memory of a possibility

etched in

promising

something it might never be.