BEDA 27 - The face of fail

Ok... let me try something a little bit different today. Instead of telling you about my day (I totally ordered 6 of Maureen Johnson's books today) or be all philosophical on your ass (my topic today would have been the fact that the facets of a city can be experienced and predict its future by walking through it. lame, I know), I will do the following: I will tell you about myself. This is my blog, but what do you actually know about me? Not too much, I guess.

Let's start with the picture I just took with photo booth. Normal outfit for me: (polo) shirt, blue jeans (not that you can see them), short-ish hair, sceptic look, glasses. My eyes are not the best, which is the first of many euphemisms today. My eyesight is awful, but on the other hand, my sense of hearing, smelling, and touch are quite exceptional.

I am 28 years old (yes, I know. I know. the 30 is coming nay) and currently work as a scientist. I just submitted my PhD in the field of clinical neuroimmunology and I hope that I'll receive my degree in some weeks (after an exam that I fear more than sharks right now. And that's actually saying something.). There are days where I love my job. There are quite a few days, where I don't. On the bright side, I'm good at what I'm doing :-P

My free time is spent in the most boring ways that our civilisation has come up with. I read, I surf the web, I write, I play the piano and sing, I nap, I watch clouds (a lot more than is healthy), I watch movies and TV shows (some), I listen to music (you know, like actually listen. turn off the lights, turn on music and just listen), I spend it with my friends.

Some favourites:

Songs: Boats & Birds, All I Need, Several Beatles songs, The Times they are a-changin', forever young, brothers on a hotel bed, passenger seat, transatlanticism, the theme from mahogany

(quick interlude: if anyone can tell me why it is "mahogany" in English and Mahagoni in German, I'll make sure he/she will get a cookie)

hide & seek, hallelujah (jeff buckley version), cathedrals, man in the mirror, field below, the call, calendar girl, maryland, several musical songs.

Movies: don't even get me started... let's just say Studio Ghibli, Harold & Maude, Hanami, Ordinary People, Loriot, Lord of the Rings, Rossini, and many, many, many more.

Now to me... and I really don't want you to think that this an ad, because it isn't. I just want you to understand better why I write the things I write in my blog.

I am a very simple, yet complicated person and I believe most people actually are that way.

I am always against something (even if secretely I'm for it).

I can be very funny, but quietly take pride in the fact that I don't hurt people with jokes (which is something I hate other people doing).

I am good enough at doing music to know that I'm not good enough to be great.

I would like to spend my life travelling, writing, and taking pictures.

I am way, way too picky concerning possible partners.

I cried when Wall-e died.

I cried when Macauly Culkin died in "my girl"

I cried in Coffee, Milk, and Sugar. In Schindler's list. Girlfriends. Hanami. A walk to remember. The sisterhood of the travelling pants............

I couldn't stop crying in Dancer in the Dark.

I cry in several movies, but not at all in scenes or movies that you might expect.

I hate 99% of today's television with a passion that has been unknown to me.

I would like people to listen to me, but I freak out, if someone is online stalking me.

I am single and have been for almost a year.

I can cook a little, but bake really well, because I prefer pastries to other food.

I drink a coffee or two a week, but tea is my passion. Green, black, Oolong, Roibos... I love tea.

I would like to be able to do stuff, but I'm too lazy to learn how to do it.

I have been in therapy for one session. When I was about 10-11. The therapist couldn't really help me. I think I just played "normal" too well.

I have realized a long, long time ago that we should cherish our loved ones.

I like money, but more as an abstract thought than actual money in my wallet.

I have more talents than I know what to do with, because everytime I try to develop one of them, I feel bad for the abandoned ones.

My last boyfriend broke up with me and it was a bad time to be me. I didn't tell anyone and went through it alone, which is something I would not recommend or do again.

I am painfully honest.

I like watching nature documentaries. Actually, I like documentaries in general. Actually, I like movies in general, but I don't understand the appeal of horror, splatter, gore movies. Or bad porn.

I sometimes wake up at night and can't stop myself so I plan the next day's schedule and can only fall asleep when it's done.

My mind has a mind of its own. I can delegate a task to my mind and I swear, it just delegates it to its own mind.

I have been meditating on and off for 16+ years and it's still a fight every time.

I have a special relationship to music. I can draw energy from it, but sometimes, it draws energy from me leaving me weak and broken somewhere.

I have the fucked up characteristic that I like people who are nice to me. If these people are straight, it tends to get awkward (in my head).

I don't like it if people stare me in the eyes when I talk to them. At least not for an extended period of time. I always feel like they're trying to get something out of me that I don't want to tell.

The biggest insult you can give me is that I'm stupid. Which is stupid.

The biggest compliment you can give me is.... ok. I won't tell you this one ;) You'll have to figure it out on your own.

I love my family more than you should, because if something happened to them, it might break me.

I have been to 4 continents, but I am always glad to come home again after a while.

I feel like I'm stuck in my life. Like something has to be wiggled free for me to be able to progress.

I have very deep trust issues, which is ironic, because I tell complete strangers a big part of what it means to be me.

My biggest fear and one of the only truths I know is that noone could ever understand what's going on in my head.

This is enough for today. I don't know if anyone came this far, but if you did, here are today's lyrics:

If I am lost for a day; try to find me

But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me

All of the things that I thought were so easy

Just got harder and harder each day

December is darkest and June is the light but this empty bedroom won't make anything right

While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home

Who waits up for me all through the night

Calendar girl who's in love with the world Stay alive

Calendar Girl who's in love with the world Stay alive

I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do

And when I awoke I was sure it was true

I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky

And said whoever is up there,please don't let me die

But I can't live forever,I can't always be

One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea

The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross

And I'll laugh about all that we've lost

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world

Stay Alive

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world Stay Alive

January, February, March, April, May I'm alive

June, July, August, September,October I'm alive

November, December, you all through the winter, I'm alive

I'm alive