Time and what to make of it

As humans, we are all familiar with the concept of time. In most areas of the world, your day will be divided by day and night and give it rhythm. Studies have shown that people (if there was no sun) would live in cycles that are more like 26h long and would alternate more frequently between waking and sleeping.

Anyway, our lives are filled with time. With appointments, dates, clocks. With free time, work time, overtime. With being "too early" or "too late". Time occupies our lives. But if you strip away layer after layer from our lives, beginning with the job, the family, the friends, the surroundings like TV, radio etc... and then if you end up with the most basic surroundings and strip away the day/night cycle, where are you then. In the most northern/southern parts of this world, you can experience weeks of daylight or weeks of night. That's just the way our planet is designed... you can begin to imagine what it would be like to live outside of time.

You will try to begin to understand that time is a human concept, not a natural one. If you're surrounded by nature and by daylight in the eternal summer that exists in Greenland... you see that nature knows no time. The days pass by, the months... nature has been here for millenia and it doesn't care about time. You have to remind yourself that animals and plants, the don't see the whole picture. They only know themselves and they only know "now". This is the reason why we don't save the planet for the animals. They don't care. If a species is extinct and an ecosystem crumples down, nature will continue as if nothing happened. We need our ecological concience for ourselves. The rainforest doesn't care if there are 10 or 10k different species of parots. Nature doesn't have a concept of time, therefore nature has all the time in the world. Even if we humans managed to kill everything/everyone and no life is left on earth.... give it a million years or two or 100, nature will regenerate - us humans, we won't.

If you ever find yourself in the lucky situation that time steps out, for example if you're really happy or sufficiently meditating, enjoy it. The feeling that there is no time is equal to the feeling that you're infinite. And don't we all want to feel infinite?

Lyrics of the day: I will remember you by Sarah Mclachlan

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep

Standin' on the edge of something much too deep

It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word

Though we are screaming inside oh we can't be heard

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose

Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose

But once there was a darkness, deep and endless night

You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

That I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

Where did my life go?

Actually, I don't ask myself where my life went... but I don't want to be in the situation 10 years from now asking myself that. We all go through phases of relative static. We get up in the morning, we go to work/school, we go to sleep and repeat that cycle over and over again. That's quite normal, we all do this from time to time and let's face it - it helps. It helps us regenerate, regain energy for the times where you get up in the morning and don't know where your life will lead you.

I've been in that "rut" for a few weeks now and I think it's over. I have made up my mind that I will try to get a job somewhere else and will start sending out my first application this week. It's a bit frightening, like submitting a personal ad ;)

Where will I be in a year's time? For the first time in quite a while I can honestly say "I have no idea". While the world may be my oyster, I don't really want the world. I want a job in Europe, preferably in Germany. Most of all, I want a job that I a) can be proud to do and b) love doing.

Enough of that. I still have loads to do at my old job and I have to get to it beginning tomorrow.

On another note, I love the fall TV programming so far. Supernatural, Glee, Vampire Diaries, True Blood ;) all great shows. And Ellen on American Idol? Might be the best thing happening to AI since Kelly Clarkson.

Last, but certainly not least: I really need to get myself a bf. Seriously now.

The lyrics of the day have a special place in my heart. Beauty of a song.

Lyrics of the day: If my heart was a house by Owl City

You're the sky that I fell through

And I remember the view

Whenever I'm holding you

The sun hung from a string

Looking down on the world as it warms over everything

Chills run down my spine

As our fingers entwine

And your sighs harmonize with mine

Unmistakably

I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me

We got older and I should've known (Do you feel alive?)

That I'd feel colder when I walk alone (Oh, but you'll survive)

So I may as well ditch my dismay

Bombs away, bombs away

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully

Back and forth

If my heart was a compass you'd be north

Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall

Wherever you go

If my heart was a house you'd be home

It makes me smile because you said it best

I would clearly feel blessed if the sun rose up from the west

Flower balm perfume, all my clothes smell like you

Cause your favorite shade is navy blue

I walk slowly when I'm on my own (Do you feel alive?)

Yeah, but frankly I still feel alone (Oh, but you'll survive)

So I may as well ditch my dismay

Bombs away, bombs away

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully

Back and forth

If my heart was a compass you'd be north

Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall

Wherever you go

If my heart was a house you'd be home

If my heart was a house you'd be home

The pouch

I know I've been away for too long ;) Sorry about that. As you might know (or not), I've spent the last week in a beautiful, beautiful hotel in the German Alps. I have done a wee bit of hiking, a lot more napping, staying in a sauna or in the biggest hamam west of Istambul. They were good times.

Now today... I had booked a yoga massage. I had anticipated something like a Thai yoga massage. I lie there in light clothing and the guy/woman stretches me for an hour. Well... something went a bit differently than anticipated.

I came there and she's like. "Ok undress completely." I had massages before and I don't really like lying somewhere naked and more or less covered by a towel... too late for regrets now. So I mentally prepare myself that I will lie there for 90 min, my bareness only barely covered by a towel and then she would start streching w/e. And then she presents it. She's like "Then put this on please". It looked like a mixture between a sanitary towel and a string tanga. It's a kind of papery pouch. You know... like the ones men wore in old photographs from the early 20th century when they needed to cover their nakedness. In the beginning, I wanted to laugh out loud. Then I wanted to sneak out before she noticed. Then I put it on. I have to admit, I felt a big degraded - standing there and a second later, lying on the mattress, face down, presenting my string to the world. Well... to the quite charming Indian woman.

Words like lesigh, facepalm, omg were in my mind, but what can you do.

You think that's the bad part? Oh my dear friends, not really. At first, she massages my complete backside. Arms, legs, etc. Sometimes a bit uncomfortable, but w/e. Now I have to turn and lie on my back.

In the beginning, the front was kinda ok as well. If you like, you can imagine how I felt, lying there, eyes closed and trying to relax (and not to laugh out loud). Some long, loong minutes later, I actually couldn't really feel if the pouch was still on right.

I haven't felt this awkward in a while. In a very long while.

I couldn't ask if my junk was hanging out, now could I.

I couldn't raise my head and look, now could I.

I tried to move a little bit to check, but that's kinda hard if someone has your leg in the air and presses your foot into your shoulder.

I decided to just clench my teeth and bear it. I mean, if it really was a bit "out there", who am I to deny her the view? *insert sarcastic laugh here* No really. It was the pinnacle of awkward.

When all was set and done and over and I lay quietly under the towel, I had the chance to check and thankfully, all was in its right place.

This episode of "My awkward life" was presented to you by "The perfect pouch".

Lyrics of the day: Way back into love by Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore (don't ask).

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need em again someday

I've been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

I know that it's out there

There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light

Not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction

And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again

I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again

You know that I'll be there for you in the end

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh