Thursday, 30 April 2009

BEDA 30 - How to summarize a life 4x3

- Go to Google image search.
- Type in your answer to each question.
- Choose a picture from the first page.
- Use this website ( to make your collage.

1. What is your name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your hometown?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. What is your favorite movie?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What is one word to describe yourself?
10. How are you feeling right now?
11. What do you love most in the world?
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Idea stolen from the lovely Ms Bazzy ( and she stole it from JohnnyDurham19.

And this is what came to pass... so how do you summarize a life 4x3? It got me thinking. Life actually gets more complicated the older we get, due to the things we know and experience. You think that life might get easier, but you're wrong.

It's like knowledge... the more you know, the less you're qualified to give simple answers, because there ARE no simple answers. Not to anything. And the more you know, the more you're aware of this fact.

I digress. This is the last day of BEDA and I'm a little bit sad to see it go and a lot relieved to see it go. I love blogging, but if I'm able to skip a day or two, I'll be a happier chap (and blogger). Blogging puts things in perspective and opens up your view for all the other things in the world that you wouldn't know about. By reading blogs, you can delve into the lives of many different people and be them for a couple of minutes. You read about relationships, about festivals, anxieties, about mean parents and great friends, about trips and schools, exams and plays. It's like reading a book, but you know that these people and occurrences are real. I read about all these things in the last month and I got to know some new people and some old people better ;)

I love blogging and I love people who blog. It's as simple as that and I think I should conclude BEDA with this sentiment.



I want to change, to rearrange
What is going on
I need to change, I need to play
Like a five year old

I can't detach from the past and all of the pain
I need to laugh, start from scratch begin again

Throw away yesterday
Today is a brand new day
Throw away yesterday
Today is a brand new day

So I'm going to eat one hundred sweets
I don't care if I get fat
And I'm going to speak I won't censor me
I know I can take nothing back

And I'm going to jump I will unburden
I cannot go too deep
I will not run from bad things I've done
They're things I'll try not to repeat

Throw away yesterday
Today is a brand new day
Throw away yesterday
Today is a brand new day

Welcome to
The church of what's happening now
Head straight through
It costs nothing but change

Throw away yesterday
Today is a brand new day
Throw away yesterday
Today is a brand new day

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

BEDA 29 - Post partum projects

The question arises... what to do after BEDA? Because it's only today and tomorrow left? I'm getting jittery already ;)

I have a few "projects" in my life running, so where will my time go? I'm still trying to read 50 books in 2009 and I have to tell you, I'm not up to par. I'm at 13-14 books and should be at 16 at least. But I'll do that.

What I'll also do is learn a few poems by heart. I won't have the time to learn one every day, but maybe every week? I have a very good memory, so it doesn't take me too long to learn a poem (well... at least not if it's shorter than a page ;).

I will spend more time outside in the parks and gardens. Smelling the lilacs is especially rewarding, but it's raining today :-( so that's no fun.

I'm gonna travel a bit this summer or at least I'm planning to. Last year I've been to Japan and the USA, but this year? I'm thinking about England, Egypt, I'd love to visit Scandinavia or spend a few weeks in the south of France... Oh boy, if I had more vacation days ;)

I would love to do some youtube collaborations, because I love them and that's something that would be fun to do. Also, I'd like to get into writing more. Short stories, but maybe not a novel, because I don't have the patience ;) Write a few songs, play the piano more... I have loads to do. Loads!

Today, I looked at my bank account and was a bit shocked by the 2 digit number... so it turns out that today was the day, all cooperations decided to get some money from me. Credit card, car tax, amazon (yeah... that's a bit my fault), etcetc... Luckily, I'll get my paycheck tomorrow.. I hate being that low on cash... but who doesn't.

I like my youtube subscribers. I like my twitter followers. I adore my blog readers ;) Wait... that my sound like I copied it from Hayley. I didn't, I just feel the same. Is it copying, if the feeling is the same from the beginning? Because it can't be a copy if it's both the original, right?


Golden rod and the 4-H stone
The things I brought you
When I found out you had cancer of the bone

Your father cried on the telephone
And he drove his car to the Navy yard
Just to prove that he was sorry

In the morning through the window shade
When the light pressed up against your shoulder blade
I could see what you were reading

Oh the glory that the lord has made
And the complications you could do without
When I kissed you on the mouth

Tuesday night at the bible study
We lift our hands and pray over your body
But nothing ever happens

I remember at Michael's house
In the living room when you kissed my neck
And I almost touched your blouse

In the morning at the top of the stairs
When your father found out what we did that night
And you told me you were scared

Oh the glory when you ran outside
With your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied
And you told me not to follow you

Sunday night when I cleaned the house
I find the card where you wrote it out
With the pictures of your mother

On the floor at the great divide
With my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied
I am crying in the bathroom

In the morning when you finally go
And the nurse runs in with her head hung low
And the cardinal hits the window

In the morning in the winter shade
On the first of March on the holiday
I thought I saw you breathing

Oh the glory that the lord has made
And the complications when I see his face
In the morning in the window

Oh the glory when he took our place
But he took my shoulders and he shook my face
And he takes and he takes and he takes

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

BEDA 28 - Time flies...

... but does the world really change? This picture is from 1964 and was taken near the village where my ancestors come from. If you go there now, it looks quite the same. Fields, forests, people going to church on Sundays. Time is a human invention, not one of the physical world. We invented time to bring order to our lives, to explain why things change.

In old greece, they said "panta rhei". Which basically means that nothing ever is the same. Even if it might seem like it.

But underneath all that change that's going on all the time. Everywhere. With everyone....

... everything really stays the same in the bigger context. Life is like an ellipse. Like a frequence. Like a wavering pulse of energy. It might change, but the essence stays the same. And in the end... it's the essence of life that counts, right?

My head is spinning, so I won't try to dive into that topic any further. Take care and enjoy the last few days of blog every day April ;)

Lyrics of the day are so sad and beautiful - it's a true emo pleasure ;)

There’s a light bulb dangling from string
It’s slowly swaying up over my head now
As I jot down the words that’ll never be sung
And wait for my headache to numb
And the wind sounds as if the world’s sighing
And the moon’s just a torn fingernail
As the TV flickers and hums by the wall
And I wait for my eyesight to fade

So, So, So
It’s so damn slow
So, So, So
It’s so damn slow

And the bright-eyed choke on ambition
And the old folks circle their graves
And the young ones are busy destroying their names
And you’re still just wasting away.
I sit and watch the screen for a message
Some kinda sign that says we’re OK
But the screen stays blank till I turn the thing off
And wait for my conscience to break.

So, So, So
It’s so damn slow
So, So, So
It’s so damn slow

I hope you’re learning to listen
And I hope you’re learning to stay
And I hope you find what you’re missing
And I hope that you’re making you’re way
I’m a headcase if I don’t keep moving
And my head hurts if I don’t sit still
It’s an itch that I’ll never stop scratching
It’s a hole that I’ll never quite fill


Monday, 27 April 2009

BEDA 27 - The face of fail

Ok... let me try something a little bit different today. Instead of telling you about my day (I totally ordered 6 of Maureen Johnson's books today) or be all philosophical on your ass (my topic today would have been the fact that the facets of a city can be experienced and predict its future by walking through it. lame, I know), I will do the following: I will tell you about myself. This is my blog, but what do you actually know about me? Not too much, I guess.

Let's start with the picture I just took with photo booth. Normal outfit for me: (polo) shirt, blue jeans (not that you can see them), short-ish hair, sceptic look, glasses. My eyes are not the best, which is the first of many euphemisms today. My eyesight is awful, but on the other hand, my sense of hearing, smelling, and touch are quite exceptional.

I am 28 years old (yes, I know. I know. the 30 is coming nay) and currently work as a scientist. I just submitted my PhD in the field of clinical neuroimmunology and I hope that I'll receive my degree in some weeks (after an exam that I fear more than sharks right now. And that's actually saying something.). There are days where I love my job. There are quite a few days, where I don't. On the bright side, I'm good at what I'm doing :-P

My free time is spent in the most boring ways that our civilisation has come up with. I read, I surf the web, I write, I play the piano and sing, I nap, I watch clouds (a lot more than is healthy), I watch movies and TV shows (some), I listen to music (you know, like actually listen. turn off the lights, turn on music and just listen), I spend it with my friends.

Some favourites:

Songs: Boats & Birds, All I Need, Several Beatles songs, The Times they are a-changin', forever young, brothers on a hotel bed, passenger seat, transatlanticism, the theme from mahogany

(quick interlude: if anyone can tell me why it is "mahogany" in English and Mahagoni in German, I'll make sure he/she will get a cookie)

hide & seek, hallelujah (jeff buckley version), cathedrals, man in the mirror, field below, the call, calendar girl, maryland, several musical songs.

Movies: don't even get me started... let's just say Studio Ghibli, Harold & Maude, Hanami, Ordinary People, Loriot, Lord of the Rings, Rossini, and many, many, many more.

Now to me... and I really don't want you to think that this an ad, because it isn't. I just want you to understand better why I write the things I write in my blog.

I am a very simple, yet complicated person and I believe most people actually are that way.
I am always against something (even if secretely I'm for it).
I can be very funny, but quietly take pride in the fact that I don't hurt people with jokes (which is something I hate other people doing).
I am good enough at doing music to know that I'm not good enough to be great.
I would like to spend my life travelling, writing, and taking pictures.
I am way, way too picky concerning possible partners.
I cried when Wall-e died.
I cried when Macauly Culkin died in "my girl"
I cried in Coffee, Milk, and Sugar. In Schindler's list. Girlfriends. Hanami. A walk to remember. The sisterhood of the travelling pants............
I couldn't stop crying in Dancer in the Dark.
I cry in several movies, but not at all in scenes or movies that you might expect.

I hate 99% of today's television with a passion that has been unknown to me.

I would like people to listen to me, but I freak out, if someone is online stalking me.

I am single and have been for almost a year.

I can cook a little, but bake really well, because I prefer pastries to other food.

I drink a coffee or two a week, but tea is my passion. Green, black, Oolong, Roibos... I love tea.

I would like to be able to do stuff, but I'm too lazy to learn how to do it.

I have been in therapy for one session. When I was about 10-11. The therapist couldn't really help me. I think I just played "normal" too well.

I have realized a long, long time ago that we should cherish our loved ones.

I like money, but more as an abstract thought than actual money in my wallet.

I have more talents than I know what to do with, because everytime I try to develop one of them, I feel bad for the abandoned ones.

My last boyfriend broke up with me and it was a bad time to be me. I didn't tell anyone and went through it alone, which is something I would not recommend or do again.

I am painfully honest.

I like watching nature documentaries. Actually, I like documentaries in general. Actually, I like movies in general, but I don't understand the appeal of horror, splatter, gore movies. Or bad porn.

I sometimes wake up at night and can't stop myself so I plan the next day's schedule and can only fall asleep when it's done.

My mind has a mind of its own. I can delegate a task to my mind and I swear, it just delegates it to its own mind.

I have been meditating on and off for 16+ years and it's still a fight every time.

I have a special relationship to music. I can draw energy from it, but sometimes, it draws energy from me leaving me weak and broken somewhere.

I have the fucked up characteristic that I like people who are nice to me. If these people are straight, it tends to get awkward (in my head).

I don't like it if people stare me in the eyes when I talk to them. At least not for an extended period of time. I always feel like they're trying to get something out of me that I don't want to tell.

The biggest insult you can give me is that I'm stupid. Which is stupid.

The biggest compliment you can give me is.... ok. I won't tell you this one ;) You'll have to figure it out on your own.

I love my family more than you should, because if something happened to them, it might break me.

I have been to 4 continents, but I am always glad to come home again after a while.

I feel like I'm stuck in my life. Like something has to be wiggled free for me to be able to progress.

I have very deep trust issues, which is ironic, because I tell complete strangers a big part of what it means to be me.

My biggest fear and one of the only truths I know is that noone could ever understand what's going on in my head.

This is enough for today. I don't know if anyone came this far, but if you did, here are today's lyrics:

If I am lost for a day; try to find me

But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me

All of the things that I thought were so easy

Just got harder and harder each day

December is darkest and June is the light but this empty bedroom won't make anything right

While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home

Who waits up for me all through the night

Calendar girl who's in love with the world Stay alive

Calendar Girl who's in love with the world Stay alive

I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do

And when I awoke I was sure it was true

I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky

And said whoever is up there,please don't let me die

But I can't live forever,I can't always be

One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea

The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross

And I'll laugh about all that we've lost

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world

Stay Alive

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world Stay Alive

January, February, March, April, May I'm alive

June, July, August, September,October I'm alive

November, December, you all through the winter, I'm alive

I'm alive

Sunday, 26 April 2009

BEDA 26 - Opposites attract

People always say that opposites attract. And they're right. Take this candy for example. It's caramel made out of salted butter - and it's beyond delicious. The combination of sea salt and sugar is worth gaining a few pounds...

The problem with the attraction of opposites is that they may attract, but they also cause trouble. Two people who might be very different might end up attracted to each other, but to STAY together? Improbable or even impossible. And there we have our problem. Rules that are made in our everyday lives often tell us how to start something or how to judge something from the outside, the exterior... but they don't tell us how to continue or how to judge something when the outer layers are gone and the real topic is exposed.

I'm sorry for being a bit cryptic today, but I have these moods ;) bear with me.

Oh btw... I just finished Suite Scarlett and enjoyed it immensely. I will order the rest of Maureen's books very soon and just read them all. You know, because I want to. I have taken to a little song, very nicely covered by Dave (MusicFromBlueSkies on YouTube) called 10 things. Originally by Paul Baribeau, but I like the cover better.

And that's where I leave you today. With the lyrics of 10 things: Make them true and you'll be a little bit happier than before. Promise.

name ten things you wanna do before you die and then go do them.
name ten places you really wanna be before you die and then go to them
name ten books you wanna read before you die and then go read them
name ten songs you wanna hear again before you die, get all of your friends together and scream them

because right now all you have is time time time yeah,
but someday that time will run out.
that's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about.

think of all the things that are wrong with your life and then fix them
think of all the things that you love about your life, be thankful you are blessed with them
think of all the things that hold you back and realize that you don't need them
think of all the mistakes you have made in your life, make sure that you never repeat them

because right now all you have is time time time yeah,
but someday that time will run out.
that's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about.

name ten thousand reasons why you never wanna die, go and tell someone who might've forgotten
try to list the endless reasons why it's good to be alive, and then just smile for awhile about them

soon the sun will rise and another day will come
soon enough the sun will set, another day will be gone

and right now all you have is time time time yeah,
but someday that time will run out.
that's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about.

Saturday, 25 April 2009

BEDA 25 - Lonely. Thankful. Content.

This might be a really great weekend :) The party yesterday was fun, today spending a morning at a coffee bar reading.... Suite Scarlett! By our own Maureen Johnson.

I really really like this book and I'm looking forward to maybe finishing it tomorrow. It has a lot of the humour that I've enjoyed from Maureen's blog and the setting in a 1920ies hotel just fits perfectly.

I will go outside again now to catch some rays of the evening sun and might go to a birthday party that I've been invited to. But I could also use a more quiet evening. Cinema? Stay at home watching movies? We'll see.

As a last point, let me try to express that I'm feeling ok. It's been a while since I've been ok and I'm tentatively enjoying it. I'm still a bit lonely, but at least I have friends, a family, a job that pays the bills and is enjoyable from time to time, some money in the bank, mostly healthy... I should feel ok, even if I'm lonely sometimes. What I definitely feel is thankful.

Short blog post again today, but the weather draws me outside. At least Ingrid and I have been keeping up with blogging, our two other BEDA buddies have deserted us, sadly.

So these lyrics go out to Ingrid :)

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry
You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Herald what your mother said
Readin' the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My oh my heh, hey
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Time asks no questions, it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning
You can't stop it, if you try to
This time it's danger staring you in the face
Oh oh oh Remember
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
My oh my heh, hey, hey
All I know, all I know, love will save the day
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Friday, 24 April 2009

BEDA 24 - Connections

I know... technically it's the 25th, but I'm not in bed yet, so for me the day isn't over. I won't lose BEDA. I won't.

Today a relatively short blog post. You know I love to ramble, but I'm very tired.

I just got back from a lovely party with friends from work. It was sad that I had to go, but I have a hair appointment tomorrow 8.30... I will be tired as hell. The thing is that lately, my friends from work seem more fitting for me than my old friends from childhood. I mean, it's understandable. What do I have in common with my old friends. My childhood. My history.

What do I have in common with my new friends? A common work place, spending 40+h a week together, common topics, gossip.

It kinda makes sense, I guess... but I wanted to talk to you about connections. I guess... mainly about twitter. These days, we can follow every celebrity who's on twitter. We know what they are doing, thinking, we can even talk to them by @replies.

Think about it. Everyone can just "talk" to every celebrity. Of course, they might not read it, they might not care... but it's a direct connection. To almost everyone imaginable.

After Ashton Kutcher's stunt with CNN, the media got wind about the power of twitter. It's like web 3.0. User-generated content with direct connections.

It's a short blog post, but it will end with lyrics ;)

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
Don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
And don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

Thursday, 23 April 2009

BEDA 23 - The things people say

I took a few pictures when I got home this evening. Spring is such a beautiful time for photography :)

Unfortunately, these pictures have little to do with what I'd like to talk to you about today. And that is a topic of heated debate. And has been for quite some time. It's especially current due to what a certain beauty pageant contestant said on the show.

I guess you already know what this is about. It's about gay "marriage". It's about equality. But most of all and most importantly, it is about... religion and the separation of church and state.

I haven't said a lot about these topics in the last months and I'll try to be brief today. What Ms California said is that she loves to live in a country where you can choose. You can choose same-sex marriage and you can choose "opposite" marriage and she believes that marriage should always be between a man and a woman.

I won't even go into the fact that she's believing in a God that promotes inequality. It surely is not the same God that I believe in. The thing is that she's not even answering the question that was given to her. When asked if she thinks gay marriage should be legal, she says that she believes it shouldn't. And there we have the problem. She is asked if it should be "legal" and she says that she "believes" otherwise.

The separation of church and state was a very necessary move, because it allows for people of different beliefs to live together on common ground with the same law, the same legal basis. It doesn't matter that in hinduism it's not allowed to kill a cow, it is still done to get food in most western countries. It is not allowed in Judaism to work on the sabbath, it's still legal in most western countries. That is because we have decided that it shouldn't matter what people believe, all should be able to live in a state that governs based on laws passed by people.

I know that there are still some states that have connections between church and state. Turkey and Israel come to mind, but in our civilised and "enlightened" age, we should progress past all of this.

Now there are people who say that the laws in western civilisations are based on the bible and that it tells us morally what is right and wrong. That is bulls---. The thing is that common sense and decency tells us what's right. Treat others with respect. Love each other. Don't kill, steal, etc are a given. Because the bible tells us many strange things like sell your daughters to slavery. Bible believers say that you have to read carefully and judge what is meant like it's written and what's not. Well, there you have it. We have our own built-in compass and we use this compass, these innate ethics to judge what's right or wrong. Not the bible, or Coran, or Tora.

I don't diss the bible, mind you. There are passages that are pure poetry. Many can help you govern your life. Some might inspire you to believe, it's all up to you. But a state should not adhere to laws written down in an age that's as far from us as the pyramids.

These things go through my head when I hear someone say "I believe it's wrong, so it should be illegal". I just want to slap them and say "well, just believe that I didn't just slap you, maybe it helps".

I have been thinking about these issues for over 10 years now and I still don't understand many of the factors, though I do understand some of them. It is a very very complicated issue and has to be handled delicately and with caution.

One last point. When the people against same-sex marriage argue, they say that if same-sex marriage is legal, what's next? Polygamy? And that's where I stopped to think... if you follow through, polygamy would be a possibility, but in my opinion only between same-sex couples/triples... because marriage is about balance and about power. If one guy marries 2 women, there is obviously a dysbalance of power. The 2 women have to share the one guy, which dimeans them as second class. Now if 3 guys married, that would be different. But you see... if you can comprehend that theoretically one person could love 2 people equally... you would be in an ethical dilemma.

I could write on and on about this topic, but it would be more for me than for my readers. I hope you take care and don't let the worries of the world hunt you down.


If you find yourself caught in love
Say a prayer to the man above
Thank him for everything you know
You should thank him for every breath you blow
If you find yourself caught in love
Say a prayer to the man above
Thank him for every day you pass
You should Thank him for saving your sorry ass
If you’re single, but looking out
You must raise your prayer to a shout
Another partner must be found
Someone to take your life beyond
Another TV “I Love 1999”
Just one more box of cheapo wine
If you find yourself caught in love
say a prayer to the man above
But If you don’t listen to the voices then my friend
You’ll soon run out of choices
What a pity it would be
You talk of freedom don’t you see
The only freedom that you’ll ever really know
Is written in books from long ago
Give up your will to Him that loves you
Things will change, I’m not saying overnight
You’ve gotta start somewhere
Start by kidding on you care
If you find yourself out of love
Shed a tear for the one you love
Tell your boss that you’ve gone away
Down your tools for a holiday
But If you’re going off to war then I wish you well
But don’t be sore
If I cheer the other team
Killing people’s not my scene
I prefer to give the inhabitants a say
Before you blow their town away
I like to watch them play
I like to marvel at the random beauty of a simple village girl
Why should she be the one who’s killed?

If you find yourself caught in love...

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

BEDA 22 - I'm to be.

I just got back from my piano lesson and I had a great idea for today's blog. I got the idea when I started playing and then put it in the back of my head, because, obviously, I had other things to worry about. Like... how to play 5.000 notes with 10 fingers. And now I struggle to remember what that idea was.... give me a second.

Give me a Ginkgo infusion now! Grml... I can't remember for the life of me what I wanted to talk about. Maybe I'll remember tomorrow? Anyway. Today was hectic beyond belief. Again... Have I mentioned that I don't like stress? I guess if "cloud watching" is your favourite pastime, the no-stress is implied. So a collegue is sick, I am stuck with her responsiblities, I have my own stuff to take care of... resulting in me running around all day long :)

The good thing is my boss wrote me an email this afternoon asking what's up (he wasn't in town today) and I just replied "the usual trouble". He wrote back "why don't you take a few days off and work from home, maybe you get more done that way and I promise to not bother you for a few days with emails"... I was shocked. Then, he ended this email with a ":)"... I was disoriented after that. It's not really his style. The giving me time off. And the :)

Anyway... I have too much to do to even think about staying home. I know that everybody thinks that the world will stop turning when they're not around, but in my case it's really like I'm the only one there to tell the direction to go, what to do etc... I haven't had a holiday in about 4 months now.

Ok... enough with the work stuff.

I don't have the energy to write much more (even if I could just write all day long... I should become a writer :), so I'll stop here.

If anyone has any questions for me, leave them in the comments. Take care, see you tomorrow.

Lyrics of the day:

Don't you have a word to show what may be done
Have you never heard a way to find the sun
Tell me all that you may know
Show me what you have to show
Won't you come and say
If you know the way to blue?

Have you seen the land living by the breeze
Can you understand a light among the trees
Tell me all that you may know
Show me what you have to show
Tell us all today
If you know the way to blue?

Look through time and find your rhyme
Tell us what you find
We will wait at your gate
Hoping like the blind.

Can you now recall all that you have known?
Will you never fall
When the light has flown?
Tell me all that you may know
Show me what you have to show
Won't you come and say
If you know the way to blue?

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

BEDA 21 - Where nobody knows your name

I love my home. The sky outside my window, the moon and stars in familiar constellations. I have to admit that I'm not connected to the people here (aside from my family), but the hills and forests.

However, I have never felt more freedom than when I walked out of my hotel onto the street in Lisbon, Berlin, Tokyo, Kyoto, Dallas, Valetta, Porto, Paris, ... wherever I was. This moment when the door opens and you can smell a foreign city. See life that's different from your home. Where you can go anywhere and do whatever you want. Noone knows you. Noone judges you. It's the kind of freedom I never knew existed. Now I'm not the most frequent traveller. I don't go much on vacations (though I still plan to go diving this year!), but still... being in a foreign country elates me and fills me with joy.

This is a shorter blog post, because I just got home from my yoga course and only have about an hour before I go to bed. Take care, see you soon.

Lyrics of the day:

Sometimes is never quite enough

If you're flawless, then you'll win my love

Don't forget to win first place

Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy

Try a little harder

You've got to measure up

And make me prouder

How long before you screw it up

How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up

With everything I do for you

The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl

You've gotta try a little harder

That simply wasn't good enough

To make us proud

I'll live for you

I'll make you what I never was

If you're the best, then maybe so am I

Compared to him compared to her

I'm doing this for your own damn good

You'll make up for what I blew

What's the problem ...... why are you crying

Be a good boy

Push a little farther now

That wasn't fast enough

To make us happy

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect

Monday, 20 April 2009

BEDA 20 - When you find yourself in the presence of people

I have to admit that I struggled with finding an appropriate picture and I imagine that I will struggle equally when trying to find fitting lyrics at the end of the blog post...

I should also tell you that I ultimately failed in finding an appropriate picture and the idyllic scene you can see above has actually nothing to do with my experiences today.

So today was hectic at work. Things came up last minute to be finished shortly afterwards. People were crazy and everything was blurry. This was the fun part though. In the late afternoon (I had already decided to leave timely to get some of that glorious sunshine...) my boss comes in and tells me that I should accompany him when looking at the "remains" of a patient. I'm sparing you the details, but let's just say that I spent an inappropriately large amount of time in the company of metal trays filled with various organs and two professors poking and pulling some of them. I'm not squeamish when these things are concerned (but I do have to leave the room when in Jackass the movie one of them eats peed-on snow). It was fairly interesting to be honest, but now comes the thing.

I had the distinct impression that both professors didn't actually quite know what they were talking about. I might be wrong (I hope to God that I am), but that's what it felt like. I will spare you the details now, but this will be drawn into my memory as one of the most macabre afternoons of my life so far.

In other news, I started the countdown today for my last exam in a few weeks. I should now start preparing myself, but like I said, work was c-r-a-z-y today.

Also, I began downsizing my internet presence. I have way way too many sites where I'm present. I will strip down and only keep those that I deem a necessity for my online life. Right now, that encompasses:

Blogger, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook. I'm still undecided concerning and also twitter... we will see.

That should be enough for today. It certainly was enough for me ;)

Lyrics (after struggling):

I've been thinking
I've been thinking I've been thinking too much
I just want to live now for a little while
And cast my dreams to the wind
Don't wanna wonder
Don't wanna wonder what it's all about
I'm just working for a living singing with my friends
As I cast my dreams to the wind

Maryland, I'm coming home
Never worry about what I did wrong
And that I'll never be what my daddy wanted me to be
And I'll never see what my mama's dreams were
But I will sing

I wanna fly
I wanna fly down the highway to my home away from home
This funky funky club on Fairfax Avenue to see you
I'll never give up
Because what is there to give up anyway
I'm just working for a living working for my pay
In Maryland it's raining somewhere in some cafe

Maryland, I'm coming home
Never worry about what I did wrong
And that I'll never be what my daddy wanted me to be
And I'll never see what my mama's dreams were
But I can sing

Sunday, 19 April 2009

BEDA 19 - The colours of my life form a rainbow. Fitting, isn't it?

I went through my parents' garden and I got this idea of a colour spectrum of plants and flowers. Hope you like it.

I like taking pictures. Obviously. I don't call it photography, because I think it sounds pretentious and it actually would be pretentious, because I don't know what I do. I just see, point, and click.
I will probably spend the rest of this day outside, reading or napping. Or listening to music while drifting off into a nap. Sounds good to me...

I might even blog again this afternoon/evening to make up for the lack of actual content in this one ;) who knows.

Btw. All stalker needs are addressed in the sidebar. See you soon.

So this is me, 6 hours later :) I hope I'm not sunburnt... but I think I'm ok. Blog time now.

In a perfect world, we would all have jobs that we love. We would work as much as we could / as was needed. We would get up in the morning, being impatient to finally get to continue working. Working and living would be the same thing. Well... we're not living in a perfect world (sorry to burst your bubble, if you thought we were. Or maybe you are, but I'm certainly not). You can already tell that this is one of those posts. One where I'm telling you that I don't know what to do with my life. Well, it isn't one of those posts. Hah. Gotcha.

I basically think that this world isn't necessarily as bad as we sometimes think it is. The thing is that I'm not empathic and compassionate enough to understand if there could be people whose idea of a dream job is to empty trash cans. Or to sewer dive. If there are those people out there somewhere, we would be one step closer, because everyone could do something they love doing. Yeah... this train of thought has to stop here, unfortunately, because I keep imagining sewer dives and it grosses me out.

In other news: I met a very dear old friend of mine yesterday for tea/coffee and it was so nice catching up with her. She moved away 2-3 years ago and only rarely comes home so I cherish these meet-ups. We often end up not speaking for months, but it doesn't really matter. As soon as we are together somewhere, we can talk for hours and understand each other like no time has passed. That's a sign of a good friendship.

I don't want you to have to read like 10 pages of me babbling, so I'll end this post with some lyrics:

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense
And every time Ive held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
Its just as well for all Ive seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And youre the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
Thats if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And youre the only one who knows