What if...

the catholic church would grow up and be what it's supposed to be... well that will not happen in my lifetime.

So... what if we would all be honest and tell others what we think. How we feel. What's going through our heads. Without the fear of being laughed at. Ridiculed. Persecuted... well that will not happen in anyone's lifetime.

What if we would be grateful for what we have and willing to share with others who have less to make the world more balanced... alas... that won't happen either.

You see, there are many many things in this world that would be great if they happened, but they probably won't. There are other things that would be great if they happened and we can just make them happen by doing them. That's a good start.

The thing is that the crisis of the economy these days (I know... you've heard enough about that in the last 6 months) can be a chance for the governments of the world to make some things right.

Things have been going on in the last 50 years that on the surface benefitted (is that a word) the world as a whole, but in fact have been detrimental to the human existence. I'm not only talking about the big stuff like climate change and civil wars in Sudan or Dafur or or or... but I'm also talking about us. About people who take on 5 credit card and maxing them out to buy new shoes. About people who buy a new TV set that they cannot afford and try to pay it over the next 3 years with monthly rates that are too high (and all that for TV that almost exclusively presents us with shit in all colours). We have been living not only beyond our own budgets, but ultimately beyond the budget of our society as a whole.

If a farmer in India takes on a loan for 100$ because he wants to buy a cow and some seeds, then this loan has a value on the other side. Something that might grow. Something that might profit. Something that might help pay back this loan in the future.

If a middle class white guy in Ohio takes on a loan so he can buy a Porsche that he cannot afford to drive, there is nothing behind this loan, it's like a money sink.

But banks have been too greedy. They see only the money they could make of that middle class white guy before his budget croaks.

If the banks (and other institutions for that matter) realize that it's not all about making money, it's about building a future. Then maybe. Maybe. Maybe it's not too late.

There has been a lot of talk about responsibility... well it's about time.

Pictures without words

Where do sunsets go?

Some days, I wonder if we as persons are like this sunset... come, rise up, is beautiful, fade, blend into nothingness and then it's like it was never there. Only a photograph reminds us of how it looks, because it doesn't leave an imprint in the sky.

What reminds us of the people that are no longer here? Photographs? Videoclips? Neuron action potentials and long-term depression in the brain?

What stays after we are gone?

Some might say that we stay in the memories and in the genes of our children. In the teachings we give them and in the moments we create together.

Other might say we stay in the memories of mankind in the great or awful deeds we accomplish during our lifetime.

I don't know what stays behind after we die. Of course I don't know... how could I. But I think. No... I believe that it doesn't really matter. When we are gone, we have other things to worry about than how/if the world around us remembers us? The world will keep turning, people will or won't grieve, will or won't remember, will eventually forget. And even if they don't, their children or grand-children will. That's the way it goes and that's not the point here.

Every being is different, which btw makes life much more fun, and each being leaves a distinct imprint on the world. There doesn't have to be something that reminds or someone who remembers. It's the same situation with the tree in the forest in the Zen koan. If the tree falls and noone is around, is there a sound? Is there a sound if there's noone to hear it?

The answer is as easy as it is universal: it doesn't matter. The tree is the main person here. Why should it matter, if someone hears it fall or not. It falls. We always want to make it about us, when it's the tree that's falling... stupid humans.

We are born, we grow up, we age, we die. And it doesn't really matter if someone is there to witness it, because in the moment all that matters is life. Life happening. Not some echo... Life.

So make the best of it :-) Even on Valentine's day. Don't worry about things that might or might not happen. Live a little ;-)

I. am. tired. and I feel like I'm repeating myself.

Do you know what the sad part of the last unicorn is? It's the feeling that everyone will die but you. 

And so you will keep your loved ones alive by remembering them. 

That basically means that you will never be complete. You will never be where they are, they are unreachable, untouchable for you. You are alone. Forever.

It's the same theme as Aragorn and Arwen from the lord of the rings. They can never be in the same space and even if she gives up her immortality, she will be separated by her family forever and miss them for all eternity. It's actually a beautifully tragic love story...

I feel like that these days. Like I'm in a place all by myself, where noone can enter. I just don't get people anymore... they are so different from me. It gets harder and harder to even find some common ground.

The only thing I haven't quite figured out is this: Have I always been like that?

New viral quiz?

From Phil. From Charlie.

Username: NichisStuff

Why did you pick it?: my nickname is Nichi and my channel is about a lot of different stuff

Who did you first subscribe to?: LukeVanFan to follow the Luke and Noah storyline :) I'm not subbed anymore...

Who did you most recently subscribe to?: rhymingwithoranges? possibly.

What does your last text message say?: I don't remember. I sent like 2 last month.

Do you have any goals?: strangely I have many many goals, none of which include a big career.

What was the last thing you bought?: lunch yesterday

Describe the person who posted this using one line?: adorable

Are you excited about anything?: about many things, actually. music and art mostly.

Do you have a crush? I do.

Have you ever been drunk?: I don't drink... so no.

Who was the first Youtuber you met in real life?: never met one! :(

Who was the last Youtuber you met in real life?: hmpf.

Do you pefer day or night?: I prefer day for living and night for thinking.

Are you a member of any collab channels?: (un)fortunately not.

Do you have a secret account?: not anymore.

Do you believe in God?: so much that it's not believing. it's knowing.

Which youtuber do you talk to the most?: charlie :)

Which Youtuber do you think makes the best videos?: phew.... there are amazing creative minds on YT. meekakitty entertains me the most right now :)

You may only subscrie to 5 channels and only watch their videos. who will they be?: jaaaaaaa jabazzy k80blog meekakitty charlieskies

Are you in a relationship?: no, I'm not. stop asking.

Would you date a smoker?: depends on the smoker :)

Where is your favourite place?: my bed in summer when I can keep the window open and stare into the sky for hours at night listening to music

Are you a happy person?: generally speaking, no.

Would you kiss the person who posted this?: ILLEGAL I think... ;)

What would you take to the desert island? : iphone (400gb) with music and books. piano. yoga mat.  

Do you prefer sun or snow?: sun

Who did you last speak to on the phone? collegue

Who did you last text?: don't know.

What are you doing tommorow?: work, work, work.

What is your favourite flavour of potato chips?: don't eat chips.

What size are your feet?: which country? I'm 6'4" so quite medium big

What do you want?: enough money to do whatever I want (mainly travelling and learning stuff :P )

What do you need?: a plan for my life.

What do you remember?: everything. unfortunately everything from the age of 2. doesn't make life easier if you ask me...

What do you wish?: I would like someone to really get me. If that's too much I'd like it if people would start seeing things as they are. they are not too bad.

Well... I had to start some time

I have decided to write a song. Just for myself for now :) Maybe, if it goes well, I'll record it and put it on YouTube.

I have most of the melody, still need some harmonies.

The lyrics (for now) are as follows... please do insult me, if they are too awful.

- Midnight in Antarctica

Reflections on ice

Shivering cold

Deep and dark waters

Land by itself

All on my own

Quieting heart

Winds turn to storms

Stars bright and near

Pure and protected

Death closer than life

Beauty in stills

Last of the olds

Never left you

Never missed you

More than right now

Always been here

Constant abstracts

Fragile as snow

Darkness in white

End of a world

Beginning of mine now

Away from the noise

Emptiness screams

Into crystallized air.

Is it just me?

I often start some really really random trains of thought during the day and end up somewhere really interesting. And then I go like "huh. never thought of that before." and 5 min later I totally forgot what it was about.

I should take a recording device with me at all times. Or some papers and a pencil. Those things might do well in a blog. Or a book :P

No, honestly... I sometimes lose myself in a labyrinth of thoughts and end up somewhere over the rainbow. This could probably be a psychological condition and there are pills for it, but I don't really care :)