Well... I had to start some time

I have decided to write a song. Just for myself for now :) Maybe, if it goes well, I'll record it and put it on YouTube.

I have most of the melody, still need some harmonies.

The lyrics (for now) are as follows... please do insult me, if they are too awful.

- Midnight in Antarctica

Reflections on ice

Shivering cold

Deep and dark waters

Land by itself

All on my own

Quieting heart

Winds turn to storms

Stars bright and near

Pure and protected

Death closer than life

Beauty in stills

Last of the olds

Never left you

Never missed you

More than right now

Always been here

Constant abstracts

Fragile as snow

Darkness in white

End of a world

Beginning of mine now

Away from the noise

Emptiness screams

Into crystallized air.

Is it just me?

I often start some really really random trains of thought during the day and end up somewhere really interesting. And then I go like "huh. never thought of that before." and 5 min later I totally forgot what it was about.

I should take a recording device with me at all times. Or some papers and a pencil. Those things might do well in a blog. Or a book :P

No, honestly... I sometimes lose myself in a labyrinth of thoughts and end up somewhere over the rainbow. This could probably be a psychological condition and there are pills for it, but I don't really care :)

Just a little recommendation

Listen to this video and enjoy that there are still real artists on YouTube.

With YouTube, the possibilities for starting artists have changed. There are many now, who don't have labels, they produce their own CDs, put them on iTunes and earn money. It's great, because the indie scene especially can profit of these ways of distribution. There will always be labels to promote people like Britney Spears, but for artists like Pomplamoose or Danielle ate the sandwich, YouTube is a great way of getting known.

I frikkin' love that.

Nerdom

I'm a bit embarrassed to say... I can't wait for the new iLife '09. I really need a good iPhoto (I only have iPhoto 6 on my desktop) because my 5000 pics are not loading the way I'd like them to and I can't wait for the Facebook and Flickr interaction. I would like to use Facebook more and an organized Flickr account would also be nice.

Is it wrong to be excited about something like a new software version? I don't really care ;)

As we are on the topic... I'm also looking forward to MacOSX Snow Leopard, Starcraft2, and some more :)

I would love to change my online life as well.... less videos, more blogs, less covering songs, more writing my own. Maybe write some stories? Put some photos on Flickr? We will see what time will bring.

Toodles.

Some days are diamonds

You might not know this about me, but... Well, in fact, you probably don't know this about me ;)

I have been meditating from the age of... 11? 12? something like that. I have done light meditation, sword meditation, chacra meditation. za-zen, Tai-Qi, Qi-Gong, ... and why not. It's fun to do :) But meditation is more than a pastime for me, it's a necessity. I get restless and depressed if I don't meditate regularly... I know it's a bit weird.

These days, meditation gets... how do I put it ... socially acceptable (?). It's in magazines, in the news. People do it because it's fashionable. It's cool to say "Hey, I meditate." But people don't really get it. It's not about reading a bunch of books, about knowing everything the Dalai Lama said in an interview. It's not about sitting somewhere and either a) sleep or b) think about all the stuff you have to do tomorrow.

Meditation is frightening. It's not puppies and roses. It's not sitting somewhere with a happy face and rainbows shooting out of your eyes. To get to know yourself in that way is terrifying. We have a huge amount of energy at our disposal as humans and this can be tricky. This is the reason why you should take it slowly. Meditate for a few minutes, start with some breathing, some heart rate control and most important of all: stop when you feel that your not really into it. It makes absolutely no sense to sit somewhere and "meditate" and hate every minute of it.

I have really no good advice for you here. I think everyone should meditate, but I suppose most people don't really know how to do it. The key is to try again and again. To not let your psyche and your fears get the best of you. Meditation is not about knowing stuff. Not about talent. It's about stamina. You have to come back again and again. If you get distracted, try again. If you get interrupted, try again. This is not for the faint of heart ;) or the impatient.

I had problems with my meditations for about 10 years now. They've been erratic and jumpy... but I think today has been a turning point. We will see if that holds true :)

I could recommend books to you, but that wouldn't make much sense. Everyone is drawn to different kinds of meditation.

Good luck.

Complex simplicity

I got to thinking today.... Humans are pretty complex creatures, but in their core really simple. I mean, what do we really want. Really, really want. We want to be happy. To love and be loved. I think that's about it. Some might say we want power. Or money. Or money to gain power... but I think they are mistaken. Those people just think that with power comes happiness. Some screwed up people might think that with money comes love.

We have these really simple needs. Everybody can love/be loved. We need nothing for that. We can do that without any special abilities. Without intelligence or genius. We can do that from our first day on this earth and although we might seem to forget that we can.......

Now. People are complex. How do these complexities arouse from simple needs? I think it's dishonesty with ourselves that puts us in these predicaments. We tell ourselves things that aren't true.

We say that we want stuff we don't need or want. We say that we have to do stuff we don't want or have to do. We say that we like people we don't really like in the absurd notion that this would make them like us and thereby make our lives better.

I could write pages and pages about the tragedy of everyday life and its connection to dishonesty, but I won't.

All I want to tell you is this: If you are aware of the simple things that make us human, it might be simpler than you think to a) achieve them and b) simplify your complex life.

Virtue is bold and goodness never fearful.

It's a Shakespeare quote from "Measure for measure" and it reminds me of why I love him so much. Noone knew how to construct entertaining plots like he did and then to enrich it with language like that? 

Thank the light that he lived in an era where art was written down... we lost too much music because the selfish people in the antiquity were to lazy to do just that ;)

Sunday, Sunday.... so weird to me.

Some things never change... for example my mood on Sunday evenings. With dreading Monday mornings. I tell myself that I just have to focus. Make a plan and follow through. Buuut... that doesn't really work. I have probably written about that before, but I need a job that I like. Or I need not to have to work at all... I might be down with that. But I think I could contribute something to this world... I just don't know yet what that could be.

We are supposed to make the best of our lives. Thats kind of hard sometimes. Sometimes, it seems easier to just let your life drift. To not worry. To not care... to drive along the easy street for a while. 

I am tired. And as of late, sleep doesn't seem to help.

Anonymous skype thing.

I decided to get a ride on the bandwagon... these are about some of the people on my list:

* I haven't talked to you in many months and I don't really know why I still have you on my buddy-list.

* I don't think I have ever talked to you since I added you, but it's a strange comfort to see you online, because it makes me feel like I have more friends than I actually have.

* I have known you for many years and you are one of my best friends, but sometimes your moods can be a real pain in the behind!

* When I met you, you intrigued me deeply. You are probably the most intelligent person I ever met and I still think that if I were straight, we would have been a power couple like the world hasn't seen... but I haven't talked to you in so long... we kinda drifted apart.

* I can honestly talk to you about a lot of stuff and you are a decent guy, but you can be hard to handle...

* Of my old friends, you are the most adventurous, never afraid of anything (new). I love that about you and I'm glad that you are still in my life.

* I have known you for about 15 years and you have changed a lot since then. You are chaos and you are my opposite in many ways, but somehow you are one of the most honest people I know.

* We haven't really talked in some years, but I still have you on this list to remind me of the fun we had. You always knew what you wanted and went for it, which is something I admire.

* I have known you for a quarter-century, and I'm afraid that you are not becoming the person that you could be, but rather the person you think you're supposed to be. And that is something that saddens and upsets me profoundly.

* I think we have talked like... 3-4 times in my life... and I honestly don't know why you are still on that list.

* I met you as an online pen-pal when the internet was young. I don't even know if you're still alive.

* You were one of these people that spend too much time alone. I think you could have been amazing, if you had let life into your life.

* You were a really good friend during our university time. It's not easy to have straight guy-friends, when you're gay and I only had the tinyest crush on you. I hope you are happy now.

* You came into our circle of friends and fit in quite nicely. I think you are very open and grounded, which is something everybody should try to be.

* I love you from the bottom of my heart and even if my world changes all the time - this won't. You are the kindest person I know and I would do anything for you.

* I haven't known you for very long, yet got to know you pretty well pretty quickly. We click. I think you could be a great friend with a lot of creative energy.

* When I first met you online, I would never have thought that you would have such an impact on my life. Now everything has ended and I think it's time to delete you off this list.

Compassion

I was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer tonight (big fan!) and a line of dialogue was "Compassion is not given to people because they deserve it, but because they need it." I personally think that the act of compassion is mainly on the side of the one, who forgives. 

We need to forgive to make things right for ourselves, not for the one, who did something to be forgiven. That's why it is important to forgive. Even the dead. The ones who left. The ones who left us. In any sense. We need to forgive to move on.

Just a little addendum

If I haven't said so before, I wish all you guys a year 2009 filled with happiness, luck, love, money, prettiness, health, humour, success, and magic.

2008 - part II/II

It's January 1st 2009... I always need weeks to get accustomed to the new year. It's freezing outside. The flowers and leaves crumble. The fog freezes in the air and settles on everything. I on the other hand always feel unsettled in the beginning of the new year. I think it's because I never accomplish everything I set out to do. I have actually done quite a lot of things last year, but you can't really force some things to happen, now can you.

2008 was a year of quite some firsts for me. I learned a lot. Mostly about myself, but also about others and the world around me. Not everything was pleasant mind you... but necessary probably.

There are many things we have to experience in this life. Experience and live through them. Learn from them.

Most of those things are very personal and let's face it, a blog is probably not the right place for them ;)

But one thing I learned this past year is this: If we don't allow ourselves to feel, we might as well be dead.