Sunday, 21 June 2009

Being together, but separated, and therefore - alone.

So this weekend, I was "away". Well... kind of. I had to do my practical exams for my diving licence. So I went to this "lake". I guess it is a lake, but when 15 divers are in it, it really seems more like a swamp. And in this swamp... sorry... lake, I had to perform training lessons etc to make sure I know how to act in an open water. Before this, we had only trained in a pool, so the open water was something completely different. The sight underwater was about 50 cm, if you were lucky. Sometimes you didn't see anything at all, especially when you got to the bottom of the lake. I learned how to dive, but more importantly, I learned about panic.

I am a very controlled person. You probably never see me lose my calm. However, there's something about being 6-7m under water, seeing nothing due to the mud and then having to remove your diving mask, put it on again, and remove the water from the mask by breathing out your nose to press the water out. These things are fairly easy and doable in a pool with chlorine water and the surface clearly visible 3m above you. Now this was a completely different feat.

I don't know why it was difficult for me, but to remove my mask, essentially blinding me, and having water on my face, eyes, and nose, scared me quite a bit. You just cannot panic when you're under water. It could harm or possibly kill you if you do, so that's good that I had to learn to cope with it this weekend.

Something I also learned/experienced was this weird combination (see title of this blog). You're on the bottom of the lake, holding hands with your diving buddies, but not seeing them, hearing them or anything. You're down there, together, but there could be a world between you instead of the 20-30 cm of water (more mud than water actually) and it would not make a lot of difference. But the contact with your hand to your buddy's hand, can keep you calm.

This is why it can mean so much, if you just put your hand on someone elses. In a crisis, in the hospital, to give comfort or to console. The hands are our way to convey that we care and in my opinion, they are much more so than the eyes. Eyes can be ambiguous, they have a lot to do, they are connected with the mind and thoughts. Your hands are connected to your heart and emotions. They have nothing else to do. If you put your hand on someone's hand, that's it. That's where it's put, that's where it's at, that's where it stays. Calming, comforting.

I am so drained, I'll go to bed early today.

Btw. The picture above might very well be the best picture I have ever taken. It's incredible, if I dare say so myself. And it fits the blog perfectly. Moon, stars, sky, trees. Together, separated, alone.

I hope I don't have a cold tomorrow and hope you're all well.

Lyrics of the day: Comfort by Deb Talan:

When everyone has gone to sleep
& you are wide awake,
there's no one left to tell your troubles to

Just an hour ago, you listened to their voices
Wilting like a river over underground
& the light from downstairs
came up soft like daybreak
dimly as the heartbreak of a lonely child

& if you can't remember a better time
you can have mine, little one
in days to come, when your heart
feels undone, may you always find
an open hand
& take comfort wherever you can,
you can, you can

oh, it's a strange place
& oh, everyone with a different face
but just like you thought when you stopped here to linger
we're only as separate as your little fingers

so cry, why not? we all do
then turn to the one you love
& smile a smile that lights up all the room
& follow your dreams
in through every out door
it seems that's what we're here for

& when you can't remember a better time
you can have mine, little one
in days to come, when your heart
feels undone, may you always find
an open hand
& take comfort
there is comfort
take comfort wherever you can,
you can, you can, oh

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