Wednesday, 15 April 2009

A day I've been waiting for. Or haven't I?

Isn't this picture idyllic? That's next to my home. It's so pretty here that sometimes it takes my breath away.

So today I picked up my PhD thesis from the printer. Shocker, right? The thing is this. You might think that I've been waiting for this day for 3.5 years. The day I hold it in my hands, freshly printed. And that might actually be the case for most people. The "problem" with me is that I've never really doubted that I would end up here. Is that tragic? Self-absorbed?
My dad has said to me once that he wants to have 2 children with a Dr. in front of their name... under his obituary. He's morbid like that.

My grandfather was a doctor, my dad still is one, so naturally, it was pre-planned that I'd be... something academic? Don't get me wrong, I have always done what I thought best and I'm happy to be where I am right now.

The problem I'm having here is that it feels so scheduled. Others might have extatic parents, whereas mine are glad, but not that into it. You know... it's like a pre-destined stepping stone. Something to check on a list of things to do.

But what if I'd like to leave this path... do something different. Do something noone would have expected me to do? I'd like to take time off to see the world. Live in the south of France for a while. Write in a beach house in Portugal. Study photography in San Francisco or English literature in London. Go diving in the great barrier reef. Spend some months in a Japanese Zen monastery.
What if I'd like to do all these things and more? How would I feel then? Because right now, I feel a bit like an empty vessel, doing something just because it is the thing to do.

In the next 2 weeks, I'll use this blog for BEDA (blog every day april). I've done the first half of the month as VEDA, the next one will be in written form. See you tomorrow.

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