Saturday, 11 April 2009

The last one

Has it ever occurred to you that we only have so few years to live on this earth? Let's just say that we are lucky and get to live to be 100 years old. That seems like quite a long time. Look what happened in the last 100 years. The world has changed. And in many, many ways it is changing back these days. We try to rely less on fossil fuels and use the power of the wind and the waves. We try to cut back on atomic bombs. We try to re-think our capitalistic ways and realize that there is no last end for money. That money has to stand for something.

If we only try to get richer for riches sake it's meaningless. We should try to advance humanity to a point where everyone has enough to eat, access to medical help, can shape his/her life the way they seem fit. The way they seem most probable to bring them happiness.

But I digress. 100 years. When you see it as landmarks, it's actually frigheningly short. 100x christmas, 100x the first snow of the year, 100x the bloom of the magnolias. All of these things - only 100x. Think about how often you have listened to your favourite song. Or seen your favourite movie. Think about the times you went to a bar with your friends... then 100x seems not that big a number now does it.

We only get to celebrate our birthday 100x. Spring 100x...... we might only fall in love a couple of times, if at all. Only might meet life partners a couple of times, if at all. And unless the title of a certain James Bond movie is correct, we only get to live once, and die once.

Our time on this earth is short. Everytime you observe an annual event as depicted in the picture above, it's one time you will never get back. It's one time less on your life scoreboard. We should make the best of it.

I will be honest with you... I am lonely the last few days... maybe even weeks. I see myself developing into a direction where I'm not sure other people will follow. Will want to follow. I might become even weirder (if that's even possible). And all of these things seem to be more or less contra-productive concerning finding a guy for me. The problem is that I see my friends pairing up. It's actually an interesting project (if you can call the life of your friends a project). They go from girlfriend/boyfriend to girlfriend/boyfriend for 10 years and suddenly, when they are 25-26, they stop and it seems so random to me. Like playing musical chairs. When the music stops, you sit down and stay where you are. Like their inner clock is telling them: "Enough fooling around, you need to get yourself someone to settle down, found a family, etcpp. Now do it". And maybe because my wires are a bit differently, this inner voice doesn't really know what to tell me. And because it's at its wits end, it just says "You're lonely, but what do I care".

I don't really want to burden you with my petty little problems, but I'm always honest in my blogs and I plan to keep it that way.


Mark Rosenbauer said...

Your problems are not petty, they are the human condition; beautiful, bittersweet and poignant. And you are so right, even if we live 100 years, it's all so short and precious. Alles geht so schnell vorbei, aber das ist wie das Leben ist.

Ruth =] said...

I am only seventeen and after reading this blog I'm beginning to panic a wee bit. You are so right that 100 years is not that long (but I guess it seems long at the time). I try not to think about these things too much - I just end up depressing myself. 42 is the meaning of life!
Guess I was never cut out for philosophy...