Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Imaginary withdrawal

Today, I will share something quite personal with you. You know, because we are friends, right? I am a complicated person. And I mean really complicated. But on the other hand, I am really easy to please in most areas of my life. For example, I don't really eat much and am not a gourmet, so if you want to please me with food, fried rice with vegetables does the trick. Or baked potatoes with brokkoli. Or pasta with peas. 
I'm simple like that.

Another area is my sleeping pattern. I normally don't have any trouble sleeping, but if I really want to summon instant sleep, I just have to do one thing.
If you think what you're thinking, then no...
I just have to imagine a certain someone lying next to me, breathing. This calms me so much, I am asleep instantly. Most of the time, I can't even finish the thought.
This is really typical for me. Others might want many splendored things, I just want this one person to sleep next to me.
I'm simple like that.

It makes me think about myself though... I don't pride myself in it, but I do have a fairly complicated brain. Even I get lost in it at least twice a day. So what does it mean, if I can be pleased with the simple things? If any of you people who read this are psychiatrists, please don't tell me how screwed up I am.

Two more days of work, then weekend. Good news: I will see the certain someone tomorrow... bad news: This certain someone doesn't know. Well... he does know that I see him, I'm not a peeping Tom. But I think (and in 90-95% that's the sad truth) he doesn't see me the same way. Life can be daunting and cruel ;) Like I said in a previous blog, I'm happy to feel anything at all. If it leads to heart ache, then be it. Better than not having felt at all.

Oh, you might wonder about the blog title (which I normally choose before I write the blog). I just thought about my feelings and it's like it was... the same time last year. I'm having symptoms of withdrawal, without ever actually having what I'm withdrawing from. Let me explain. When I lie in bed, I sometimes feel so lonely, because... well I'm alone. And this although acs (a certain someone) has never been here.
I was asking myself the same question last year. How can you miss something that you've never had. The answer maybe lies in the uniqueness that is the human mind or soul. But it's possible. 

And I'm on imaginary withdrawal.

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